Getting through the Christmas Clean Up and back in the saddle at work and school felt like swimming through quick sand in some ways.  While we look forward to 2019 and have so much hope for miracles, success and lots of fun we felt a little weighed down by the enormity of what the new year could bring.  We have a lot going on over here and fighting cancer on top of it takes a few deep breaths to take the next step into a new year.

We made time for lots of friends and family during the holidays and still didn’t get to see everyone.  Brad dazzled everyone with his positive attitude, funny “but I have cancer” jokes and for a guy with cancer he is looking pretty darn good.  With only one treatment in about 6 weeks he definitely felt the cancer creeping back in which equates to him feeling like crap.  He is bright eyed and bushy tailed in the morning always but about 1pm he starts to wear down and if we have a busy day he’s headed for the chair or bed by 7-8pm at night.  If you ask him he says he feels totally fine, isn’t tired and all is good. We know better but you’d never hear him say it unless it is a particularly yucky day.

Video 1: Brad loves making up silly songs about his symptoms and other cancer stuff.

Video 2: We all love spontaneous dance parties!

We have an appointment scheduled with the Nurse Practitioner on Wed 1/9 and treatment following.  We don’t expect anything major and hope it is the smooth start to routine treatments as prescribed on 11/28 after his good scan.  I saw someone mention a book about “being in limbo” and that is exactly what this is.  You just take every day, new symptoms and tackle them.  We continue to count every single blessing and are thankful for all of the prayers, meals, watch parties, holiday invitations, gift cards and food deliveries!  I know when I make a good meal for him or even my newly famous Vitamin C smoothies I feel empowered to be helping heal him in some way.

We have started to fill up the calendar with kid activities and have several trips to St. Louis on the calendar.  We pray he will be strong enough to do all of it and well enough to enjoy it.  My biggest prayer always is for the kids…they have such a burden on their little hearts and minds it makes me worry endlessly.  I pray hard and often about it and God tells me all will be ok.  They are resilient and they are fighters and will succeed no matter what this life throws at them.  People ask how I am doing and I feel like things are going pretty well, all the balls are in the air and I’m working as hard and fast as I can at work to keep the ship afloat.  I can’t express how thankful I am for my awesome company, EccoSelect for supporting me without question–kwoods@eccoselect.com (for IT job hunters).  Brad’s company, BNC Mortgage has been so incredible to let him work from home when he can.  I hope when Spring comes and people are buying or refinancing he will have a busy season of his own.  He’s kept busy talking with customers and keeping his workload up to date.  Here is the link to apply with him if you know anyone needing help with a mortgage loan:  Apply with Brad Woods for a Home Loan Having the usual slow mortgage lending over the holiday season hasn’t been such a bad thing so he could rest, spend time with family and he especially enjoyed being the Christmas Elf getting everything put together.

I’m all over the place today, just feeling thankful, determined and hopeful.  I see God’s hand and where he has maneuvered us through his plan over the last 12-24 months and while I always had faith it is pretty cool to see the wonderful re-directing he gave us.  Even on the hard days I know he will guide us in places we couldn’t imagine with better blessings than our minds could dream.  I’ll keep this blog updated as we move through the next few months and while we hope for a boring ride (no downturns) we certainly hope for some excitement too.

For those who have asked to help here is a link to our food calendar, I set aside Mon/Wed as designated sign up days but we are flexible.  A text works too. https://my.lotsahelpinghands.com/community/teamwoods

Prayer Requests:

*For the kids to stay strong, prosper, focused on school and enjoy each day right where they are in their lives.

*For all of us to stay healthy mind, body and spirit.  Please no more injuries, they need to be rockstars.

*For Brad to stay strong, positive and funny as he fuels our strength.

*For God’s hand to continue to guide us through this treatment and bless us with the miracles of medicine and healing.

*For 2019 to be an inspiring year of growth and happiness for all we care about.

God Bless You all and Cheers to an incredible year ahead!

 

When we received our good news about the scans I sensed something in the air.  I had asked our doctor about future treatments as I had heard they get harder at #5 through #10 since the effects accumulate.  I wonder if the cancer clinics know what is coming for each patient and if it is perfectly timed with an UP before a DOWN. It is as if they knew the scans would show something to celebrate right before a MACK truck of chemo hits.  It would be interesting to be behind the curtain and know what they REALLY know.  I think Brad is getting more brave and interested in knowing more rather than just floating along and hoping for the best while blindly trusting the medical team.  Blind denial is ok too, no one can predict what will happen so we just have to keep doing the good things to get through each day.

During chemo #5 I received a wonderful and big surprise of a gift to help make the kids’ Christmas brighter.  A long time friend gave us a super generous gift which is allowing us to say yes to three things the kids otherwise wouldn’t be able to receive.  I think these three gifts are the ones I look forward to seeing them open the most on Christmas morning.  I want them to know the value of friendship, staying true through many years of ups and down.  Also the value of giving when you can to lift up your friends when they really need it.  She has also given many other offers of generosity that will hopefully give us the opportunity for adventure in the coming months.  I can’t divulge too much but as we sat there during chemo #5, unnerved by all of the beeping machines going off at once, sympathetic for a patient next to us who had to move chairs because of an “accident” and the sweet old men talking about being proud dads across from us…we received this gift.  God’s perfect timing at work.

Brad and Russell enjoyed a Sporting KC playoff match with our neighbors on the Thursday after chemo which was a great night and memory despite the loss.  It was well timed as this chemo cycle has been rough and is requiring a lot of rest.  Brad’s nephropathy in his hands got bad one day but he was able to just rest his way through it.  The fatigue has been a battle but he has been able to eat and get some things done each morning.  Saturday and Sunday were rough so I took the opportunity to get my own to do list done while Brad rested and the kids did their thing.  Whitney and Russell are super troopers but it is a heavy burden for them to see their dad wiped out and barely able to stay awake.  He has kept us laughing when he feels good doing all kinds of crazy things.  He has a cold and grossed them out with talk of giant boogers that could barely go down the drain (TMI) and bragged about how he got a senior citizen discount without being asked for ID.  Brad is 48 and passing for 55…perks of being bald I suppose.  He is going to the doctor today for his high blood pressure and cold so I hope they sort him out so he can be better for chemo next week.

Quick shout out to our church and the organization Cancer Connection for literally showering us with Christmas Blessings and making Russell see and experience the magic of Christmas and Christ’s love and perfect timing.  He said he’s going to go crazy looking at all of the presents under the tree wondering what they are.  Such a pure example of the spirit of Christmas– a little boy, who acts so big, getting excited about a bunch of presents that drive his curious mind crazy!  God sent this distraction for sure!  Brad and I will be reminded of how good people are all month seeing them under the tree and honestly relieved that the kids have a little extra to be surprised by since they usually give us one or two ideas.  Well, Russell has rewritten his list on 3 1/2 x 5 cards at least 20 times since the end of October.  He also looks at www.ikea.com  every single day and asked me to sign him up for the customer loyalty club to get discounts.  People are good and Woods Chapel Methodist is an amazing church home!  Those people work tirelessly to surround people battling cancer with love and remind us constantly that they are praying and lifting us up.  It works, Brad is so appreciative of the cards from strangers.  It touches his heart like I’ve never seen.

I want to take this time to remind everyone that each of us has a battle to fight.  I have friends fighting medical battles that aren’t cancer so they don’t get the attention we are getting but certainly are having some of the same struggles.  There are people with job loss, depression, trouble in school, bullying, heartbreak from not making a team or aging out of a sport.  There are plenty of struggles families face that don’t have the attention of cancer so I hope we all take care of each other and at least make an encounter or opportunity to listen mean something.  My friend told me about her kitchen makeover troubles and it was so refreshing to hear about the ins and outs and mishaps.  She commented that it wasn’t as deep as a cancer fight but I loved hearing about something BESIDES cancer!  In fact I seek out those opportunities to learn and almost feel more opened up by all of this so that I don’t focus so inwardly and pay attention to what is happening around me.  We don’t want to get so bogged down by the details of this fight that we miss out on interesting opportunities to learn, serve and do for others.

See this beautiful baby…this is Brooklyn, my niece who was murdered 10 years ago.

Three days after she died my friend and mother of 3 passed away from cancer when her daughter was just 4 months old at the age of 34.  http://www.stephanievest.com

A year later…to the day…my dad was buried on the same day as Brooklyn, December 5th, 2009.  This was the darkest hole of despair in my life.  I lost myself, I was not myself, I was pretty much helpless and useless.  Today, I know God put me through that heart wrenching, soul ripping, rock bottom despair so that I could rebuild into a stronger, more genuine and appreciative version of myself.  While I wish I could go back and have a do-over for pretty much all of my 30s… my 47 year old self is doing pretty damn good.  I’m still learning and trying to do better especially with my health as I see how fragile and important it is.  The abuse we put our bodies through is unnecessary and we don’t have to fall into bad habits as we can be strong and healthy for each other.  I know Brad is battling hard to get through this so he can feel good to enjoy some adventures this Spring and Summer.  Cancer is unpredictable and the budget isn’t vast enough to support something lavish but we can find some good family fun just being together.  During this cold part of year I dream of beaches, boats, lakes and baseball fields.

Prayer Requests:

• Please pray for the Big Kids as they come into finals and need to do well to feel good about this semester.  Pray for focused learning free of distraction and rock star knowledge to get them through their tests.
• Belief and trust in the Lord that he will carry us through the bad days and remind us of the good days.
• Ability to put together a stressfree Christmas and enjoy our days off from work and time spent together.
• Productive work and praise for companies that care about their employees and allow flexibility. Thank you especially to my EccoSelect family as they are incredible.
• Good health for the rest of us and ability to stay focused on priorities and accomplishing our goals.

God Bless oxox

#battle4bRad

#thankful

 

God is teaching us extreme…like EXTREME Sports level patience in this journey and along with that serious focus on each day as it comes.  Brad and I were both pretty quiet and tense as we got ready for our appointment today.  I knew it would be good news but seriously, with this thing good news doesn’t fill you all the way up.  That sounds very selfish but we just can’t get too high or too low.

Dr. Pendergrass walked in and as he was shutting the door he quickly said “Everything looks good, let’s get that out of the way.”  I had caught his eye as he passed our door earlier and he smiled and waved.  The care team is very straight forward but they are definitely cheerleaders in this. They don’t over promise and don’t predict or get too far ahead but they root for us in each stage.  It is so strange to think about the depth of sickness, progress and near misses Brad has had in two short months.  Only 4 treatments in and he’s come soooo far!

Scan Results: The liver tumor shrunk from a lime to a strawberry in size.  I asked to see pictures but they weren’t available so I hope he can get them when he gets the pump taken off on Friday.  The colon tumor shrank in half which we suspected  since there was less of a sensation of blockage the last month.  The liver has shrunk, not to completely normal size but a lot better.  The fluid that had built up is gone and the blood levels show it is functioning at 100%.  That liver was struggling and was making him SO sick when we started treatment.  Brad has gained some weight back which is giving him more strength and better footing for the medicine to do its job.  He has been very fortunate to be healthy so his body can just focus on the cancer and not be sick with other things.  His high blood pressure seems to have settled down and he even talked about trying to eat a little healthier.  Not holding my breath on that one and I’m just glad he’s gaining weight!

We are so thankful for our support network.  We have thousands of people praying all around the country and I can’t describe the kind of peace that gives us.  Carter’s favorite scripture (that is tattooed on his arm now) “If God is For Us, Who Can Be Against Us” is one that carries us through.  Brad has a very long way to go and we can’t get too high because we don’t want the fall to be too far but we will enjoy the next three months fighting hard until the next scan.  We’ve made it through two months and they seemed very long but we know how to fend off symptoms so hopefully we can make the next three months stress free with him feeling normal most days.  Brad has gone from almost being embarrassed and bummed out that he had to give people his bad news to being so humbled by the support.  We’ve had our dance people bring us gifts and messages of support, our old baseball team handed us a bag of gift cards the day after he told them…it is pretty amazing what people are willing to do for others.  We will pay this kindness forward however we possibly can.

#battle4bRad

#thankful

 

 

I was in Detroit today for work which started at 3am and won’t end until I fall into bed at 11:00pm tonight. We had our second snow day so Whitney went with Brad to his CT scan. Carter made it back to school on Monday and while it was nice to have him home it felt good for him to get back to his new home and get settled to buckle down for finals. I think all three could use some prayers for some extra focus going into the end of the semester. Focus and fending off distraction is a big challenge for them. I just want them TO BE and FEEL successful. No Regrets!

We had a fabulous Thanksgiving Break and cut loose a little. We had beautiful weather followed by a blizzard so we enjoyed some time outside in our crazy warm and then cold Missouri weather. The house is decorated for Christmas and I feel like we are ready to buckle down and tackle the season and celebrate the birth of Jesus and all the blessings God has given us this year.

Tomorrow we hope to get the results of the CT Scan from today and will meet with the oncologist. We’ve been pretty consistent with getting good news each visit and think he will be happy with Brad’s weight gain and hopefully have a good report for the treatments success so far. We did find out that one of Brad’s genes is half broken. It basically raises his chance of getting CRC – Colorectal Cancer from a normal 5% to 12%. We are able to do testing for first degree relatives so Carter gets to be the first guinea pig for that since he’s 18+ and also his parents and sister if they choose. He has a few instances of pancreatic, breast and bile duct cancer and all of that came out fine in relation to broken genes. The best news is the kids can get tested as early as 38 if the insurance companies don’t make it even younger by then. I had polyps at 38 so I will be comfortable with that goal and hope for 35 to be the new age. In all of this knowledge is power but cancer is an asshole and strikes with no rhyme or reason.

Prayer Requests:

• For Brad’s scans to show us good progress.
• For Brad to continue to gain weight and add healthy and strength building habits back to his schedule.
• For his hands and feet to not hurt as bad this round so that he can enjoy our usual weekend hustle.
• For his blood pressure to come down so he can get treatment.
• For our ability to keep working effectively through this Winter and maneuver through financial challenges.
• Please pray for our children’s hearts and minds to be calm and filled with love this holiday season.

❤️ updates to come tomorrow

The thing about cancer is every day is different. One symptom pops up and one disappears. Anxiety plays wicked mind games that lead the patient and caregiver off track. Brad felt like he couldn’t eat for three days and I practically begged him to eat. Complete polar opposite sides with one agenda. I think lessons were learned and I’m still not sure if I’m supposed to push or wait for requests All I know is nutrients and protein are fuel to help him fight so that is my focus.

We head into Chemo #2 with more experience and hopefully new ideas for helping him smooth out the rollercoaster. All in all this process seems to be manageable. Time will tell what highs and lows we have in store but for now it’s one day at a time and we celebrate the victories.

Here is my thankful list:

1. That cough is gone! Praise the Lord! “Big Nancy” his NP is very happy about that and seems to mean the liver is shrinking.

2. Since Day 8 post chemo there have been no drenching fevers.

3. Since Day 8 he has been able to eat again so that is Job #1 to gain strength and weight before Chemo #2. Nurse Nancy suggested the BRAT diet so we will try that during the downslide after chemo—Days 4-7.

4. Everyone is on more level ground, getting used to new things and trying to keep life as normal as possible.

We made these “Battle Bands” to give the kids and our support group a way to feel useful in a helpless situation. The kids have been sending the most awesome support pictures and Snapchats. I love how kids give a Rally 100% and will stand up to support each other when it’s really needed. As a mom I often feel like I have no idea if I’m handling this correctly but I find truth and hugs to be healing. Thank you for your prayers they are working and we feel the support whole heartedly! 💙

I’m so thankful for my shared sense of humor with Brad.  In the most awkward and maybe stressful situations we find a way to make each other laugh even if it might seem inappropriate to others.  When he went in for his colonoscopy it was the first real medical procedure we had been through and we knew at the end of it someone would be telling him he definitely had cancer in his colon.

I took my work bag and had prepared for a long wait and lots of time to get work done while he was getting his procedure done.  I ended up feeling like an idiot with way too many big bags hanging off me for tiny tight places so I just took the unnecessary gear back to the van as soon as I could.  I also forgot to put on mascara and looked like a crazy person so Brad felt free to remind me of this whenever possible. Since Brad hates doctors, hospitals, needles etc. he is pretty naive to the process so I kept reminding myself that he didn’t really know what to expect.  They got him all hooked up and sent me on my way…after he told me I needed mascara one more time.

One bad cup of coffee later they called me back to be with him while he woke up.  He was drinking some water through a straw and had his puckered lips stuck way out and looked pretty loopy.  He told me how they asked if he wanted water or Sprite and he said, “water and Sprite.”  The nurse responded, “water?” “Yes, water and Sprite,” he said again.  “Sprite?” she asked.  “Yes, Sprite and Water,” he insisted.  Omg….he was retelling this and I was like oh boy, he’s being ornery.

The nurse started talking about how she knew a Kim Woods from a previous job and Brad said, “did she go by Diamond?”  The nurse and I looked at each other…she said, “um no I don’t think so.”  Brad pointed to me and said, “Her stage name is Diamond.”  In that moment I knew we would be ok during this process.  He would throw curve balls and try to make everyone laugh.  He reminded me of my dad in that moment.  My dad flirted with nurses and made jokes that were not always taken so well because the particular nurse was all business.  I loved that, it made me feel like we could have fun with this in any situation.  Multiple nurse encounters that followed were similar.  Brad found ways to make them laugh and I inevitably asked them about their education to get ideas for our future nurse Whitney.  We talk a lot about how she will love being a nurse and her patients will love her back for the care she will give them.  I like to think how comforting her pretty face and sweet disposition will help patients feel at ease and enjoy whatever situation they are in the best they can.

This year has been a true lesson in how to handle stress.  It just isn’t worth the energy to let yourself get so wrapped up in the stresses of life or even worse, other people’s drama.  My friend Heather wrote this to me soon after I told her our news.

“Gotta get out of God’s circle of responsibility.  It’s your responsibility to pray.  It’s God’s job to answer.  Leave it in His hands.”

I have tried to go back to this whenever things start to get overwhelming.  I think this applies to everything that stresses me out.  I could worry myself sick over my kids right now and I do a little but I just try to talk to them as I always would normally and stress the importance of staying focused.  This is a blip in their lives.  If they can keep their world going the way they want it to there will be less stress on them and they can use the rest of their energy to make sure they are contributing to the positive support system we provide their dad. Getting crushed by all of this won’t do anyone any good…in the end we move forward from this space of time and I want them to feel like their trajectory has stayed on course.  Kennedy is the best role model for them as she pushed through all the BS she went through and is now living her dream and enjoying the life her mom wanted for her.  It is so strange to think of the lessons I was being taught during the 3 years I knew Heather.  My only regret is not knowing her longer.

We are keeping on keeping on and looking for ways to keep laughing.