When we received our good news about the scans I sensed something in the air. I had asked our doctor about future treatments as I had heard they get harder at #5 through #10 since the effects accumulate. I wonder if the cancer clinics know what is coming for each patient and if it is perfectly timed with an UP before a DOWN. It is as if they knew the scans would show something to celebrate right before a MACK truck of chemo hits. It would be interesting to be behind the curtain and know what they REALLY know. I think Brad is getting more brave and interested in knowing more rather than just floating along and hoping for the best while blindly trusting the medical team. Blind denial is ok too, no one can predict what will happen so we just have to keep doing the good things to get through each day.
During chemo #5 I received a wonderful and big surprise of a gift to help make the kids’ Christmas brighter. A long time friend gave us a super generous gift which is allowing us to say yes to three things the kids otherwise wouldn’t be able to receive. I think these three gifts are the ones I look forward to seeing them open the most on Christmas morning. I want them to know the value of friendship, staying true through many years of ups and down. Also the value of giving when you can to lift up your friends when they really need it. She has also given many other offers of generosity that will hopefully give us the opportunity for adventure in the coming months. I can’t divulge too much but as we sat there during chemo #5, unnerved by all of the beeping machines going off at once, sympathetic for a patient next to us who had to move chairs because of an “accident” and the sweet old men talking about being proud dads across from us…we received this gift. God’s perfect timing at work.
Brad and Russell enjoyed a Sporting KC playoff match with our neighbors on the Thursday after chemo which was a great night and memory despite the loss. It was well timed as this chemo cycle has been rough and is requiring a lot of rest. Brad’s nephropathy in his hands got bad one day but he was able to just rest his way through it. The fatigue has been a battle but he has been able to eat and get some things done each morning. Saturday and Sunday were rough so I took the opportunity to get my own to do list done while Brad rested and the kids did their thing. Whitney and Russell are super troopers but it is a heavy burden for them to see their dad wiped out and barely able to stay awake. He has kept us laughing when he feels good doing all kinds of crazy things. He has a cold and grossed them out with talk of giant boogers that could barely go down the drain (TMI) and bragged about how he got a senior citizen discount without being asked for ID. Brad is 48 and passing for 55…perks of being bald I suppose. He is going to the doctor today for his high blood pressure and cold so I hope they sort him out so he can be better for chemo next week.
Quick shout out to our church and the organization Cancer Connection for literally showering us with Christmas Blessings and making Russell see and experience the magic of Christmas and Christ’s love and perfect timing. He said he’s going to go crazy looking at all of the presents under the tree wondering what they are. Such a pure example of the spirit of Christmas– a little boy, who acts so big, getting excited about a bunch of presents that drive his curious mind crazy! God sent this distraction for sure! Brad and I will be reminded of how good people are all month seeing them under the tree and honestly relieved that the kids have a little extra to be surprised by since they usually give us one or two ideas. Well, Russell has rewritten his list on 3 1/2 x 5 cards at least 20 times since the end of October. He also looks at www.ikea.com every single day and asked me to sign him up for the customer loyalty club to get discounts. People are good and Woods Chapel Methodist is an amazing church home! Those people work tirelessly to surround people battling cancer with love and remind us constantly that they are praying and lifting us up. It works, Brad is so appreciative of the cards from strangers. It touches his heart like I’ve never seen.
I want to take this time to remind everyone that each of us has a battle to fight. I have friends fighting medical battles that aren’t cancer so they don’t get the attention we are getting but certainly are having some of the same struggles. There are people with job loss, depression, trouble in school, bullying, heartbreak from not making a team or aging out of a sport. There are plenty of struggles families face that don’t have the attention of cancer so I hope we all take care of each other and at least make an encounter or opportunity to listen mean something. My friend told me about her kitchen makeover troubles and it was so refreshing to hear about the ins and outs and mishaps. She commented that it wasn’t as deep as a cancer fight but I loved hearing about something BESIDES cancer! In fact I seek out those opportunities to learn and almost feel more opened up by all of this so that I don’t focus so inwardly and pay attention to what is happening around me. We don’t want to get so bogged down by the details of this fight that we miss out on interesting opportunities to learn, serve and do for others.
See this beautiful baby…this is Brooklyn, my niece who was murdered 10 years ago.
Three days after she died my friend and mother of 3 passed away from cancer when her daughter was just 4 months old at the age of 34. http://www.stephanievest.com
A year later…to the day…my dad was buried on the same day as Brooklyn, December 5th, 2009. This was the darkest hole of despair in my life. I lost myself, I was not myself, I was pretty much helpless and useless. Today, I know God put me through that heart wrenching, soul ripping, rock bottom despair so that I could rebuild into a stronger, more genuine and appreciative version of myself. While I wish I could go back and have a do-over for pretty much all of my 30s… my 47 year old self is doing pretty damn good. I’m still learning and trying to do better especially with my health as I see how fragile and important it is. The abuse we put our bodies through is unnecessary and we don’t have to fall into bad habits as we can be strong and healthy for each other. I know Brad is battling hard to get through this so he can feel good to enjoy some adventures this Spring and Summer. Cancer is unpredictable and the budget isn’t vast enough to support something lavish but we can find some good family fun just being together. During this cold part of year I dream of beaches, boats, lakes and baseball fields.
- Please pray for the Big Kids as they come into finals and need to do well to feel good about this semester. Pray for focused learning free of distraction and rock star knowledge to get them through their tests.
- Belief and trust in the Lord that he will carry us through the bad days and remind us of the good days.
- Ability to put together a stressfree Christmas and enjoy our days off from work and time spent together.
- Productive work and praise for companies that care about their employees and allow flexibility. Thank you especially to my EccoSelect family as they are incredible.
- Good health for the rest of us and ability to stay focused on priorities and accomplishing our goals.
God Bless oxox