Focus on Happy and please forgive my Mood Swings

We met with Big Nanner today, Brad’s beloved Nurse Practitioner.  She almost mesmerizes him with her excitement that he forgets to listen to what she says.  Her enthusiasm gives us comfort and she is so positive in her praise for great blood work, says he looks good, she confirms the fact that he “feels fine.”  Today opened the door to changing things up so that he can feel as good as possible.  For instance, he’s had hand and foot pain that we’ve narrowed down to being from the 5 FU and not neuropathy.  She gave him a cream and cut back on the 5FU dose by 10%.  She also said this symptom will get worse when it warms up which sounds kind of serious since baseball and soccer seasons are fast approaching.  She told him he doesn’t have to power through this stuff, there are ways to make him feel better!  yay! Praise Jesus!  This is what I’ve been wanting to discuss for awhile without being perceived as “giving up.”  So thank you to everyone who prayed for what was on my heart the last month…quality of life vs fighting hard.

As for the scans, there has been additional shrinking of the masses in his liver so the chemo is working.  There are still too many to narrow down to the option of surgery and would only consider that if there were a few that were growing really big and they needed to be removed.  Now it seems like they are just kind of there like a heart disease or some other kind of chronic disease that you manage.  His blood counts are great in every area and we are just getting started to monitor his glucose. Brad is having a colonoscopy next Tuesday to get a better look at the colon tumor and decide if it makes sense to remove it.  What people keep asking and pushing for surgery don’t consider is the science behind cancer surgery.  It is all about margins, pre and post conditions of the organ you are cutting on and what else is in the body.  There has to be a means to an end and if it is cutting to be cutting I’m definitely not on board. {I don’t for one second think our doctors cut to cut but I get the question of “what about surgery” and that isn’t my favorite option}  The doctors would also weigh the risk of 6 weeks off chemo to prepare for the surgery.  When Brad missed his chemo in December he started to feel “cancery” and *seemed* to be heading back down the path he was on when first diagnosed–weak and sickly.  The thought of leaving his body unarmed to be attacked by the cancer without any chemo for six weeks scares me.  Secondly,  what does cutting a piece of his colon out mean.  Will it mean a colostomy bag?  Will it mean him in the hospital for awhile then bedrest missing his favorite season of the year?  Could it mean other things will come up and be more problems to deal with?  Our doctor and team will evaluate his overall health and if it will improve post-surgery.  I’m not even close to being medically trained/educated but I’m here to tell you Brad Woods does not want and part of any of that!  The man doesn’t even want to commit to a Halloween costume that he can’t immediately take off.  He does not want to LOOK, FEEL or ACT different.  His current health is good, he’s managing his side effects, blood pressure is so much better and our new adventure of diabetes is starting.  His blood work looks good, he feels good, he can sleep away a lot of the side effects.  I have faith God and the doctors will figure out his path and I’m voting for a Hard No! haha!  I think you all know where I stand.

Who knew Cancer lingo had some PC to go with it? I’m learning that “you look good” is an interesting comment. It kind of has a back handed tone of insinuating the treatment must not be that bad…impaired to others who look very sick. “You can beat this” “fight the battle” “how many more treatments” are all hard phrases to process when your cancer was deemed inoperable and incurable at the start. Anything can happen and we will always keep hope alive but it’s just tough for those concepts to be considered the only success. For people trying to live a “normal” life during treatment of Stage 4 cancer the battles daily are much more real. Brad worked 45 hours this week and 5 were unpaid to try and serve his mortgage customers. That was a huge victory the week of chemo! News of tumors shrinking by a centimeter is a big win 5 month into treatment. Winning a battle with insurance to process one EFFing claim so our prescriptions will be free/covered…now that’s a win! Making it through an entire weekend of a Dance State Competition without having to say no and stay in the hotel is a victory. Sometimes being cancer free isn’t really the focus or at least not the daily focus. There are weeks where we both don’t have a single bit of energy left to empty the dishwasher or make a sandwich. Brad says he is “real tough” and he is getting tougher by the week.

Thank you for your prayers. They mean a lot!

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