Month in and a Marathon to Go

While October seemed like the longest month ever it was a good learning month and for the most part successful.  We ended the month with Chemo #3 on Halloween and the clinic was kind of quiet which was nice but were amused by a fun loving “Rod Stewart” patient who was super nice and happy to be there because he was too sick to get treated last week.  This experience makes us appreciate the spectrum of sickness and varying challenges.  Much older people are usually hanging out at the clinic which gives us perspective on the fact that they’ve enjoyed 20-30 more years than Brad and I have.  What will we change in those 20-30 years?  Our new goal is to be “them” when we grow up and have 30 more years of memories to make so that we are facing health problems later in life when they are more expected.  I wonder if they think about how fortunate they are to have had extra years and not be the “young” people in the clinic.  These are the reasons we end the day from Chemo Day so mentally exhausted.  We are thankful for our own good fortune and for those around us while hoping we all come out winners at the end of these days we spend together.

Being silly sending a SnapChat pic to the kids and some friends. Woah give me a filter…this is all us, wrinkles and all.

“What do you need?”  “How are you doing”  These are common questions and the hardest to answer.  Some days feel 100% normal, others feel like we are on the edge of a cliff.  While I’m always open to answering because I know the people asking really want to know and am always happy to give an update.  We are very optimistic people so our answers are usually shiny and bright, they are truthful but I’m not going to focus on the things that weigh me down.  We are SO incredibly lucky to have good doctors and miracle drugs to help Brad in this fight.  It is pretty amazing what medicine can do and I’m just in awe of the brilliant minds behind the strategy and execution these drugs deliver.  I’m also EXTREMELY proud of every single caregiver who has ever been given this load of responsibility because the mental stamina it takes is unreal.  I fall into some nasty moods and honestly just try to hide it from everyone and find ways to go be by myself to sort it out.  Then a shift happens and everything is different and I feel amazing and optimistic again.  It is a wild ride people!!!

While we ride weeks of highs and lows I’m also really trying to focus on long term.  We will be fighting this battle forever.  The middle ground goal is for Brad to be labeled “NED” No Evidence of Disease.  He will always be cared for by doctors looking for cancer or treating cancer.  This situation is 100% polar opposite from how his healthcare habits were before but I think he is seeing the benefits and will take full advantage of a healthy life…won’t we all?  We saw Dr. Pendergrass before chemo on 10/31 and he has planned for 2nd PET scan for November 27th.  Of course I planned a business trip for that day…but thankfully it is at our KU Med clinic 3 minutes down the road so I’m cutting the cord and not stressing about not being there.  He will be in and out and we’ll get the results the following day before Chemo #5.  I also put the weight of being a good employee squarely on my back so making sure I’m keeping up with my responsibilities at work is very important.  I feel good about doing the best job I can since they’ve been so incredibly supportive and flexible.  Plus a work trip with mom away for a day will be good for my people.  I’m going to Detroit and am kind of excited, I’ve never been and love watching Rehab Addict on HGTV.

Below is a link to a calendar app people can subscribe to for bringing food over, coming to visit or whatever they can think of.  Brad blew out the sprinklers the other day so that Fall HoneyDo is checked off!  He’s been doing more of those things lately so that is nice going into the Winter so I don’t have to stress about thinking like the “man of the house” regarding what needs to be winterized.  We are cooking up some house new projects and I have a major urge to repaint most rooms in my house.  I’m trying to redirect those crazy ideas into more attainable projects like organizing storage areas which gives me equal satisfaction.

https://my.lotsahelpinghands.com/community/teamwoods

On this calendar I hope to add prayer requests.  You should be able to click on the days to see if I have any notes in there.  I feel like people want to focus on certain aspects and it helps me stay focused on the big and little picture when I break thoughts and the schedule into pieces.  We closed out October with a very fun Halloween night hanging out with the neighbors like every other year before.  Brad had fun talking to everyone since we are all so busy with every day life it is nice to spend an evening talking and watching the kids have fun.

Enjoy some pictures from a few good day adventures: including a spontaneous day trip to Springfield, MO to watch our high school softball team win STATE!  Our friends, the Seib family, enjoyed seeing their daughter pitch her team into a State Championship!  Incredible family, incredible athlete and wonderful young lady!  Go Easton!  You are amazing!  We also stopped by to watch some HS Volleyball and support those ladies.  You could call us Super Fans!  We are a sports loving family that is for sure!

Apparently since Halloween was on a Wednesday the students at KU celebrated by dressing up for about a week and a half!  I got some Snapchats of Carter as a tree and as a secret service agent “guarding” the President.  They looked cute and I was jealous of their good time…college life is awesome!  Last night he texted me while I was handing out candy in the dark saying he needed a sheep onesie from Amazon STAT for a party this coming weekend! Of course I dropped everything and ordered it for him and made him promise to send me pics.  I’m just so proud of that kid for balancing everything and pray for him every day to be able to keep up his focus and succeed.  “You need a sheep costume?  Sure you can have a sheep costume because you got an awesome grade on your Psyc paper.”  This is how my mind works when it comes to my Carter. oxox

Short Fuses and Winning–Ying and Yang

With caution I’m super excited about our progress after Chemo #2 on 10/15.  We set goals and made sure to take advantage of energetic times and get Brad the rest he needed when his energy needed to be refueled.  Going into the weekend without any experience after Chemo 1 and knowing what to expect and avoid after Chemo 2 is night and day difference.  For now we are just focused on nutrition and rest and enjoying a week with no appointments.

I’ve been reflecting on everyone’s needs and how they collide at times.  I think everyone sees when I’m at my breaking point.  My typical solutions is to pretty much run for the door to go run an errand or anything outside of my house to get some non-cancer related fuel in my body and mind.  I hope soon I’ll incorporate weight training and stretching because I feel like my muscles have shortened from the stress pulling on them from head to toe.  Ugh I need to release that stuff asap and get rid of these aches and pains!

So with the kids…I’ve been trying to watch for trouble signs and they pop up in different forms and different times.  I remember seeing moods and behavior in other families dealing with cancer and now see similar behavior around our house.  I remind myself that they are suffering from the weight of all this along with normal trying to grow up kinds of things.  I just pray they aren’t impeded by this stress or thrown off their trajectory because they were all on a really good path prior to 9/15/18.  My main objective is to keep them as close to that same path as possible.  I try to remind myself, Brad and each of the kids that it is ok to feel “off” or have to have some mental health breaks however they need to get it but then also get back to that place of focus.  I remember being a teenager and how hard and stressful it was.  The thought of putting all of this on top seems suffocating.  I had my own suffocating circumstances and came out strong than I ever would have so I know they can too.  Bad moods aren’t such a bad thing and we need to give each other time and safe places to release that negativity so it doesn’t stay bottled up.

Going into this week I’m hoping for less short fuse situations, more Zen time and using this seemingly light week to get some rest.  We also have to do list items to get checked off before the whirlwind of family visits starting with Whitney’s Alice In Wonderland ballet and then the holidays.  Brad spent a lot of Friday picking out a new vacuum so that should help out with the to do list especially since everyone has actually been excited about using it!  GENIUS!!  New Vacuum = People Using it Besides Me!  Write that one down in your book of tricks!

We had a beautiful Fall weekend and took advantage by taking a few pictures when we went to visit Carter for his 19th birthday which is coming up on Thursday!  I wanted to take a bunch of photos all over Lawrence among the beautiful trees….but energy, moods and lack of showering for some made it not the ideal time for a photoshoot.  Whitney and I literally jumped out of the van on the way to the grocery store on Sunday and took some on a side road that I’m pretty sure isn’t really supposed to be driven on but we made it work.  So, check that off the list…fall pics with pretty trees CHECK!