I’m a new empty nester with the best 3 big kids a mom could ask for, Carter 25, Whitney 23 and Russell 18.  This little blog has morphed over the years. I started it before social media was so mainstream as a way to express myself, my thoughts, my photography and creativity. I’ve missed it but needed some time to refocus after losing my husband to cancer in November 2021. I’ve been a mess, I’ve been great and somewhere in between. I think this year is going to be a great one and want to get back to what I enjoy about the creative process. I want to get back into my photography since my soccer mom photog days are over. I hope to pick it back up

For a time I thought I wanted it to be an outlet to talk about cancer…since recovering a bit I really don’t want to focus on that part of my life. People have told me I should write a book, I’ve started what probably is more like a journal. After writing for hours I ended up a sobbing mess and I had only gotten to the period when we lost our first baby. I’ve known for a long time that I didn’t grieve some hard losses in my past but had no idea that pain was in there. Pro Tip #1, journal anything and everything that is circling in your head. It really helps get it out so it doesn’t fester.

In a nutshell I was just a normal busy mom, married to my college sweetheart for 26 years before he went to heaven. Just when life seemed to be morphing into a new normal, Carter had just been at KU for his freshman year when Brad started to get really sick. After a few weeks of fevers and coughing he was diagnosed with Stage 4 Colon Cancer metastatic to his liver. We dropped Carter off at KU on 8/15/18, a month later 9/15/18 we went to KU Family day and had to tell the kids their dad had cancer.  We fought his cancer for 3 years and 10 weeks.  He went to be with our Lord in heaven, joining so many who had gone ahead on 11/25/2021, Thanksgiving Day.  Look at these warriors in this picture…we had just had the most excruciating conversation of our lives and we pulled ourselves up and smiled for the camera.  We would have more really hard conversations along the way. We didn’t get to have all the ones we wanted to have because Brad didn’t want to leave us and didn’t want to talk about life without him.  We lived life to the fullest and for that I’ll be forever grateful.

Now these babies are grown up, stronger than ever, focused and thriving! I’m so proud of them it makes me cry all the time. I look at old picture of them and just can’t believe how fast childhood goes! When you have a new baby people tell you to soak up every moment…they were all right. Sometimes I was balanced and focused in my role as mom and career woman but other times I was a complete hot mess express! I guess that is probably true for all of us. Today I do somethings right and somethings really wrong. I have learned to grow in all that I experience and try to support my children, my love, my family and big group of friends. I find myself the person they call when something big is happening, good and bad. I have a huge understanding of change and stress so anything I can do to help is how I approach tough situations. Finding joy in each day, being grateful and deep diving into faith is what I do and what I remind those I love. I’ve found this is the way to stay sane in this wild life! Someday I’ll be called to heaven and want to know I squeezed out every good part of life the Lord has given me. #Imtheluckyone